1. KNOW YOU'RE NOT ALONE.When you're going through a breakup, it's like logic flies out the window. Although practically everyone on the planet has had his or her heart broken, when you're down in the trenches, it feels like you're the only one who's ever experienced such excruciating pain. It's like no one could possibly understand the intricacies of the relationship that just ended - the reasons it's just so unfair - the profoundness of your despair. But guess what? Practically "everyone" understands. For validation, just look outside your own little bubble. Go to any given celebrity gossip magazine - one of your favorite stars is probably going through the same thing right now. "Everybody" does. It's part of the human experience, and it can make you stronger if you let it.
2. INSTILL A NO-CONTACT RULE.It's far too easy to fool ourselves into thinking we can be friends with the ex. The friendship underneath all the other stuff is what made it so great, right? Wrong. If the two of you just wanted to be friends, you probably would've just been friends from the start and stayed that way. Over time in a relationship, chemistry grows. Bonding chemicals are literally released into your system when you're getting physical with someone, and your body needs time to detox when the relationship ends. Don't keep pressing the bruise. De-friend him, unfollow him, delete him from your phone, and make a promise to yourself not to have any contact with him outside of situations you absolutely cannot avoid. If you have a class with him, well, that sucks, but you don't have to sit next to him, and that class will eventually end. If you have mutual friends, there's no better time than the present to expand your circle. No excuses. You can't start feeling better when you're staring at his Facebook wall - much less his actual face - all the time.
3. HELP YOUR FRIENDS SAVE YOU FROM YOURSELF.Okay, okay. We know the no-contact rule is easier said than done. That's where your friends come in. At pinkkisses.com, we offer a daily email service called "the betty plan," which sends you a specific action step each day to keep you moving forward and establishing healthy patterns to help you get over him and be happy again. One of the first steps we prescribe is delegating two friends to text, call, IM or email when you feel like texting, calling, IMing or emailing him. Tell them in advance you're going to be leaning on them for support. Tell them that, simply by being there, they're helping to keep you from getting in your own way. It takes time to break old habits, and when you were texting him a dozen times a day and now you're not, you need somewhere else to direct that energy. Your friends are your friends for a reason. They get you. They want to help you feel better. So let them.
4. CHOOSE TO "OWN"YOUR LIFE. It's been said that "living well is the best revenge," and we couldn't agree more. Accepting that "it's actually over" is often the toughest part of a breakup, and once you start wrapping your head around that, it becomes clear that what you do next is totally up to you. Do you want to be the sad, desperate girl who can't stop calling him and begging him to come back to you, or do you want to be the fierce, independent, totally-in-control girl who bounced back so brilliantly that everyone around her kind of sat up and went, "Huh. Look at "that"? We already know the answer, and so do you. And we're not talking about rebounding with a new boy, either. We're talking about chasing your dreams, taking care of yourself and completely harnessing the fact that life is short and you have to do with it exactly what you please. Although you might have setbacks, they're temporary. Although you may miss him, someday you won't. Carry yourself with class and keep your eye on the prize: taking back your happiness instead of just handing it over to someone else. Don't give that stuff away for free... it's "yours".
" Thank you, Pink Kisses, for these inspiring tips! "
"Ladies, if you or a friend is working on getting over a breakup... PINK KISSES IS OFFERING LOVELY UNDERGRAD READERS A SPECIAL DISCOUNT. Purchase the Pink Kisses 30-day Betty Plan and you'll get half off! (A 14 product for only 7!) JUST ENTER LOVELY AT THE CHECKOUT. (You have 'til September 18 to use the code.) Essentially, the Betty Plan sends an email each day around lunchtime with a little action step to take to get over the ex. "
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