Consider this for a moment.in life if you want to achieve something then chances are you are going to require somebody elses assistance or co-operation for you to be successful. Whether you are a sales consultant, a builder or a teacher or a coach. Regardless of what you do, your ability to build and maintain rapport with large numbers of individuals will assist you to get what you want. In fact, being in rapport with someone will actually allow you to do anything. Rapport is an important skill for you to acquire.
The theory of rapport is that when people are like each other, they like each other. When you like someone, you are willing to help them in having what they want or what they want to achieve. It's interesting that a study of communication back in the 1970s concluded that 38% of all communication is tone of voice, and 55% is physiology. So what that means is that a large proportion of communication is outside of our conscious awareness. Therefore there is a fantastic opportunity that exists for you to communication outside of the normal channels and that essentially is what rapport is about.
At our NLP Practitioner Training you will discover that there is a tremendous opportunity exists for communication outside of normal channels, and that's what rapport is all about.
The FIRST major element of establishing rapport is to MATCH THE MODALITY the person is in.
For example, if you are in a business meeting with someone you can observe their physiology and listen to their predicates to discover what modality they are using and then match it. Here is a non exhaustive list of predicates that you can listen out for. Pay attention to the words and phrases that people use in each of the major representational systems - you can discover what's going on inside their heads.
EXAMPLES OF PREDICATES
VISUAL - eg: See, look, show, appear, view, imagine, picture, hazy, clear
AUDITORY - eg: Listen, hear, silence, deafened, be heard, resonates, sound
KINESTHETIC - eg: Feel, solid, get a handle, touch, grasp, get hold of
AUDITORY DIGITAL - eg: Understand, sense, decide, experience, know, learn, process, consider
EXAMPLES OF PREDICATE PHRASES
VISUAL - eg: Bird's eye view, appears to me, clear cut, catch a glimpse of, minds eye, sight for sore eyes, in view of, in light of
AUDITORY- eg: Clear as a bell, hold your tongue, hidden message, word for word, voiced their opinion, in a manner of speaking
KINESTHETIC - eg: Cool, calm and collected, chip off the old block, it boils down to, firm foundations, pain in the neck, get a load of this, get in touch with
The SECOND element of rapport is MIRRORING the person's physiology. That means that you are actually physically copying their posture, facial expressions, hand gestures and movements, and their eye blinking. This is best done out of their conscious awareness because it will cause them to think in their mind, "Hey, this person is like me!" It's very unconscious for them and yet it's undeniable to their nervous system.
The THIRD element is MATCHING THEIR VOICE. This includes the tempo, tempo, timbre (that's the quality of the voice), and also the volume. Plus you can match any of their keywords or phrases. Perhaps they often say, "You know what I mean?" You can use that phrase several times and feed it back to them.
The FOURTH element is to MATCH THE PERSON'S BREATHING. So you can pace the person's breathing by breathing at exactly the same time as they do. Ie you are going to match the in and the out breath.
The FIFTH element is to MATCH THE CHUNK SIZE OR LEVEL OF ABSTRACTION which is the size of information that the person is using. If the person is usually big picture, chances are they will get bored with lots of details. The flip side of the coin is that if they are a details person, they will feel that you haven't given them enough information if you just give them the big picture. So it's important to match the chunk size or level of abstraction.
The SIXTH element is that you can also MATCH ANY OF THEIR COMMON EXPERIENCES. This is what's usually called rapport. When people first meet, they often look for common interests or common experiences or associations to create rapport.
With these critical elements of rapport in mind let's have a look at how to establish rapport and how to know then you have gained rapport with someone.
To establish rapport, the process is to match and mirror what the other person is doing. That's mirroring and matching outside of their conscious awareness, so being subtle. Otherwise is will look like you are trying to mimick them.
You can CALIBRATE to test if you have established rapport with the other person. You can do this by developing your skills in sensory acuity to such a degree that you can begin to see people's reactions to your communication. You can observe the colour of their face, their hands, watch their eyes, the muscle around the eyes, the lower lip. These are all great indicators of rapport.
Plus pay attention to what is going on for you, their are some indicators that you can notice in terms of a specific physiological feeling. Some people describe it as a feeling of anticipation in their stomach or chest. You may notice that you feel warmer or that you can feel the colour in your own face begin to change. Then usually with another minute or so the other person might say something like, "I feel like I've known you for years," or they may use the word "trust" or "rapport" in talking about what they are experiencing
By the way, you don't have to experience these indicators to know that you have rapport. There is another way that you can tell.
Even if you don't have an experience of these indicators of rapport, there's another way that you can tell. After you have been mirroring and matching the person for maybe 5 or 10 minutes, the next thing you can do is to pace and then lead them. By successfully leading them from one behaviour to another is a fantastic way for you to know that you are in rapport with that person.
Rapport is an extremely important process in both business and also in the context of your personal relationships.
So here's an exercise for you to complete that will assist you in developing your rapport building skills:
* Establish rapport with as many people as you can in the coming week. For example, at the coffee shop, in the restaurant, at the office and or at the gym.
* Match and mirror someone near you in a coffee shop or restaurant, or wherever you are. Pay attention and notice if you're able to establish rapport.
* Plus when you're going up to a counter to buy something, practice establishing rapport.
* Practice your skills of observation. Observe people's physiology for a week. For example on Monday, watch skin colour; Tuesday, watch lower lips, etc.
To find out more about NLP and our complete NLP Practitioner Certification Training contact the Office on +44(0) 1483 211 222. Give us a call and find out how our NLP Practitioner training can work for you.
NLP Practitioner - The Benefits of Knowing How to Build Rapport is a post from: NLP Practitioner
Credit: pualib.blogspot.com
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