"WE LIKE AND TRUST THOSE WHO SEEM TO BE MOST LIKE US" A quick glance at the above photo and we can see that President Obama and Prime Minister Cameron look like two little peas in a pod. They dress the same and walk with their suit jackets slung over their shoulders. It's not hard to imagine that they have good rapport. That is what mirroring is all about. Creating the feeling that you and the person you wish to influence are similar and therefore subconsiously feel you can trust each other. Matching the behaviors and movements of others creates feelings of liking and strengthens bonds between two people.
"IT IS FAR EASIER AND NATURAL TO SAY YES TO THOSE WE LIKE"
"
Researchers found that when one party was instructed to mirror the other, the two parties reached agreement 67% of the time. When no one mirroed the other, they reached agreement only a paltry 12% of the time. Isn't that amazing? Here are some of the ways to mirror someone... VOICE Mimic the tone, volume and pace of the other persons voice. He pauses before speaking and you do likewise. You may also choose to mimic expressions and vocabulary. I remember a time when a salesman who had a bad habit of swearing was attempting to sell a client a warehouse. He had no success and was frustrated that the client didn't appreciate what a great deal it was. A few days later I ran into his client. We had a polite conversation and he revealed why he not bought the property. He didn't like the foul mouthed salesman. He was a devoutly regligious man and was greatly offended by the salesman. BODY MOVEMENTS Your client crosses his legs, you cross yours.He leans forward, you lean forwardHe rubs his chin, you rub your chinYou get the idea.. Remember though to pause 2 to 4 seconds before you slowly mimic his movement. As long as you do this he will never realize what you are doing. NODDING This is a very sutle way to draw a person into saying more. All you do is every once in awhile look into her eyes and give 3 almost invisible nods. This creates the feeling that you are in agreement and most interested. I have used this many times on quiet introverted types with great success. And you don know that your job as a persuader is get them to talk more than you. Your greatest success will come when you a great listener. SEEK SIMILARITIES Find out what you have in common with the person you wish to pesuade. This could include; sports, hobbies, activities, humor, entertainment, politics, beliefs etc. The list could go on endlessly but the more similarity you can find the quicker you can form a bond and build trust. POWERFUL PERSUASION PHRASES SO WHAT YOU ARE SAYING IS.... After using the phrase you simply repeat back in your own words what you've just been told. This makes the other person feel that you are truly listening to them. They feel like you are on the same page. I UNDERSTAND OR I AGREE... Of course you can only say this if you do in fact agree. HOW WILL I KNOW WHETHER MIRRORING IS WORKING? After mirroring a persons voice and body movements for a few minutes change things up. If they are leaning back then you lean forward. If they follow your movement you know that you are in perfect sync with them. If they don't follow your lead then just keep on mirroring them and try again later. This is just the bare basics in mirroring. For instance, you could even mirror their breathing pattern which is also very effective. WHY MIRRORING WORKS... Mirroring is something you already do. If you are with a loved one you will quite naturally mirror and mimic each other. We all know couples that are so in sync with each other that they can finish each other sentences. It's naturally to be in sync with family and friends. "MIRRORING ITS NOT MAGIC BUT IT CAN SURE FEEL LIKE IT"
Visit my book website
How To Seduce Life
www.howtoseducelife.info
NLP PRACTITIONER - THE BENEFITS OF KNOWING HOW TO BUILD RAPPORT
Consider this for a moment.in life if you want to achieve something then chances are you are going to require somebody elses assistance or co-operation for you to be successful. Whether you are a sales consultant, a builder or a teacher or a coach. Regardless of what you do, your ability to build and maintain rapport with large numbers of individuals will assist you to get what you want. In fact, being in rapport with someone will actually allow you to do anything. Rapport is an important skill for you to acquire.
The theory of rapport is that when people are like each other, they like each other. When you like someone, you are willing to help them in having what they want or what they want to achieve. It's interesting that a study of communication back in the 1970s concluded that 38% of all communication is tone of voice, and 55% is physiology. So what that means is that a large proportion of communication is outside of our conscious awareness. Therefore there is a fantastic opportunity that exists for you to communication outside of the normal channels and that essentially is what rapport is about.
At our NLP Practitioner Training you will discover that there is a tremendous opportunity exists for communication outside of normal channels, and that's what rapport is all about.
The FIRST major element of establishing rapport is to MATCH THE MODALITY the person is in.
For example, if you are in a business meeting with someone you can observe their physiology and listen to their predicates to discover what modality they are using and then match it. Here is a non exhaustive list of predicates that you can listen out for. Pay attention to the words and phrases that people use in each of the major representational systems - you can discover what's going on inside their heads.
EXAMPLES OF PREDICATES
VISUAL - eg: See, look, show, appear, view, imagine, picture, hazy, clear
AUDITORY - eg: Listen, hear, silence, deafened, be heard, resonates, sound
KINESTHETIC - eg: Feel, solid, get a handle, touch, grasp, get hold of
AUDITORY DIGITAL - eg: Understand, sense, decide, experience, know, learn, process, consider
EXAMPLES OF PREDICATE PHRASES
VISUAL - eg: Bird's eye view, appears to me, clear cut, catch a glimpse of, minds eye, sight for sore eyes, in view of, in light of
AUDITORY- eg: Clear as a bell, hold your tongue, hidden message, word for word, voiced their opinion, in a manner of speaking
KINESTHETIC - eg: Cool, calm and collected, chip off the old block, it boils down to, firm foundations, pain in the neck, get a load of this, get in touch with
The SECOND element of rapport is MIRRORING the person's physiology. That means that you are actually physically copying their posture, facial expressions, hand gestures and movements, and their eye blinking. This is best done out of their conscious awareness because it will cause them to think in their mind, "Hey, this person is like me!" It's very unconscious for them and yet it's undeniable to their nervous system.
The THIRD element is MATCHING THEIR VOICE. This includes the tempo, tempo, timbre (that's the quality of the voice), and also the volume. Plus you can match any of their keywords or phrases. Perhaps they often say, "You know what I mean?" You can use that phrase several times and feed it back to them.
The FOURTH element is to MATCH THE PERSON'S BREATHING. So you can pace the person's breathing by breathing at exactly the same time as they do. Ie you are going to match the in and the out breath.
The FIFTH element is to MATCH THE CHUNK SIZE OR LEVEL OF ABSTRACTION which is the size of information that the person is using. If the person is usually big picture, chances are they will get bored with lots of details. The flip side of the coin is that if they are a details person, they will feel that you haven't given them enough information if you just give them the big picture. So it's important to match the chunk size or level of abstraction.
The SIXTH element is that you can also MATCH ANY OF THEIR COMMON EXPERIENCES. This is what's usually called rapport. When people first meet, they often look for common interests or common experiences or associations to create rapport.
With these critical elements of rapport in mind let's have a look at how to establish rapport and how to know then you have gained rapport with someone.
To establish rapport, the process is to match and mirror what the other person is doing. That's mirroring and matching outside of their conscious awareness, so being subtle. Otherwise is will look like you are trying to mimick them.
You can CALIBRATE to test if you have established rapport with the other person. You can do this by developing your skills in sensory acuity to such a degree that you can begin to see people's reactions to your communication. You can observe the colour of their face, their hands, watch their eyes, the muscle around the eyes, the lower lip. These are all great indicators of rapport.
Plus pay attention to what is going on for you, their are some indicators that you can notice in terms of a specific physiological feeling. Some people describe it as a feeling of anticipation in their stomach or chest. You may notice that you feel warmer or that you can feel the colour in your own face begin to change. Then usually with another minute or so the other person might say something like, "I feel like I've known you for years," or they may use the word "trust" or "rapport" in talking about what they are experiencing
By the way, you don't have to experience these indicators to know that you have rapport. There is another way that you can tell.
Even if you don't have an experience of these indicators of rapport, there's another way that you can tell. After you have been mirroring and matching the person for maybe 5 or 10 minutes, the next thing you can do is to pace and then lead them. By successfully leading them from one behaviour to another is a fantastic way for you to know that you are in rapport with that person.
Rapport is an extremely important process in both business and also in the context of your personal relationships.
So here's an exercise for you to complete that will assist you in developing your rapport building skills:
* Establish rapport with as many people as you can in the coming week. For example, at the coffee shop, in the restaurant, at the office and or at the gym.
* Match and mirror someone near you in a coffee shop or restaurant, or wherever you are. Pay attention and notice if you're able to establish rapport.
* Plus when you're going up to a counter to buy something, practice establishing rapport.
* Practice your skills of observation. Observe people's physiology for a week. For example on Monday, watch skin colour; Tuesday, watch lower lips, etc.
To find out more about NLP and our complete NLP Practitioner Certification Training contact the Office on +44(0) 1483 211 222. Give us a call and find out how our NLP Practitioner training can work for you.
NLP Practitioner - The Benefits of Knowing How to Build Rapport is a post from: NLP Practitioner
Credit: pualib.blogspot.com
