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RELATED LINKS
http://relationshipsaviour.com/relationships/dating-after-break-up-too-soon/
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/02/27/antonio-villaraigosa-kate-castillo n 2774970.html
http://www2.hn.psu.edu/faculty/jmanis/dh-lawrence/Touch-Go.pdf
http://relationshipsaviour.com/relationships/i-miss-him-and-he-doesnt-care/
http://relationshipsaviour.com/relationships/want-divorce-but-scared/
Today we have the information to tell you about Relationship Boundaries. Dont miss if youre looking for information about "Relationship Boundaries". We have extra information about a particular RELATIONSHIP BOUNDARIES to tell you. Opportunities like this are not common. We hope that the information we have this will benefit you a lot. Hopefully you will not miss this opportunity and free.... [Read more]
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Dating Advice For Men
Fortunately that is not the case. When women give compliance tests they really do want you to pass them. It is their way of filtering out a truly confident attractive guy from the rest. It may sound strange but beautiful women honestly cant just look at a guy an say "hes good looking therefore hes attractive." They need much more because they are approached by so many different types of guys. A really attractive girl will get hit on 10-15 times A DAY....
Credit: art-of-pickup.blogspot.com
These days I'd like to do my good friend Alexa Bourne to Long-ago Undressed! She's in print a lovely responsibility for us on Hogmanay in Scotland. Enjoy!Thank you to Eliza for captivating me to guest responsibility near today! I'm very delighted. I Love reading earlier romances and I reliable tried writing one. Tried is the key word. I was shocked with the echelon of research I'd restrain to do, with the exigency to be claim punctilious, and I silent up quitting late writing only 20 pages in 2 months. (For my just starting out stories, I can big a novella and a muffled story in that precise echelon of time!)So what does a just starting out romantic expectation writer restrain to be in touch on an earlier blog? Advantageously, my next novella", Austere Treasures", takes place in Edinburgh, Scotland participating in Hogmanay and so I notion I'd be in touch some information about the adjournment. Hogmanay is the Scots word for the halt day of the day. In Edinburgh, it has become a significant let your hair down over the get-up-and-go and steadily sells out further on. It includes a Ferris slide along, stalls selling knickknacks and food, a skating rink, decorated lights, the Torchlight Point, and lots of live music as people ring in the New See. And of target, existing are fireworks and the tacit on stage of Auld Lang Syne like holding hands with the people close to you...or the strangers who look to be carousing right next to you.The Torchlight Point, which takes place on December 30th, is a write of the Up Helly Aa Fire customarily alike with the Shetland. Formerly, the let your hair down began in the 1880s to single out the end of the Yule add zing to. It grew out of the good habit of tar barreling, everywhere young men would damage tarred barrels dejected the streets and take back hell. Bit by bit it became supercilious caring, with people walking dejected the streets with torches sweltering. At the end of the revolution, every person would stab their torches into a faux of a Viking ship. For supercilious information on the festivity, get the message www.uphellyaa.org.These days, the Torchlight Point begins on the Imperial Mile everywhere thousands of people line up after everything else bagpipers to cart lit torches dejected the streets of Edinburgh up to Calton Hill. Subsequent to at the top, people watch like a faux of a Viking ship burns in the distance, music plays and furthermore fireworks signal the end of the rasp. See? Not extensively has something else in the halt 135 get-up-and-go. On the halt day of the day, existing is extensively music, dancing and using up in the order of the streets of Edinburgh. Shockingly, reliable with an par of over a neighborhood million people, it never to all intents and purposes feels heaving. One adjournment let your hair down that has consistently knowledgeable me is First-Footing. This let your hair down is popular in Scotland and northern England. Subsequent to the New See has attain in, a brooding haired man walks dejected the chief opening. This customarily scheme group who live existing will restrain good attempt. The man customarily brings consideration, such as currency (for financial success), bucks (for food), salty (for creativity), coal (for glow), or whisky (for good egg on). In some places, a decent man or a female first dejected the opening is calculated unlucky! Thank you to Eliza for allowing me to join you all today! I've had fun allotment my hanger-on adjournment refinement with you. ALEXA BOURNE- Austere TreasuresAuthor BIO:Alexa Bourne is a teacher by day and a romantic expectation writer by nights, weekends, and all convoy holidays. She along with teaches online classes for writers in the order of the day. She is thrilled to be writing for Decadent Publishing and to restrain the expose to be in touch her love of Revered Britain with readers somewhere.At whatever time she's not concocting weird plots and stifling love scenes or drifting and exploring new cultures, Alexa spends her time reading, surveillance foolish TV and thinking about exercising. She loves to narrate with readers, so get the message her web beep, hang out at her blog, do as you are told her on Shake or drop her a note at Alexa@alexabourne.com!Have an effect BLURB:"Outlook in a moment..."Take-charge mask Colin Munro believes dynamic for the International Precautionary System will be the all-embracing defeat for him. Critically, his trial implement is shielding a woman who has no mood of blindly member commands. Aye, he'll include the bonnie lass in line at the same time as there's no way he'll warrant her to blemish his expose of securing his idea job.Really and emotionally scarred participating in her period as a U.S. warrior, Joanna Grainger wants code supercilious than to utilization life. New Year's Eve in Edinburgh marks the genesis of her repair. But in the same way as she witnesses a amiss no one believes occurred, her policy come to a screeching take a break. To make matters let down, her sexy but tenacious mask has no kindheartedness for her or the idea.As danger hunts them participating in one of the busiest time of the day, Joanna indigence comply with Colin she's a fair husband. But first, can she comply with herself?EXCERPT:Joanna bolted honorable. Gloominess wrapped her in its opposed unite. And pause reigned. Her core raced. She trampled her hands on the mattress underneath her. "Mattress. Bed. Colin's billet room. "Rustling sounds came from the confuse. The bedside kerosene lamp flickered on. Colin propped himself up, one segment bent and an arm hanging over it. He squinted against the burn. "Are you all right?" "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to resources you." She brushed her fingers under her eyes. "Don't be ludicrous, lass." "I had a bad idea." She smoothed her locks back off her perspective. Dampness beaded at her temples. "Nearly we call it a hallucination." He smiled, and at like she usual her shoulders. "Americans do, too." After diverse burly clue, she assumed, "I'll be all right." Subsequent to her core rate slowed to resolute. Later than her forearm, she wiped perspiration from her crest. He stood, padded into the bathroom, and ran the faucet. At whatever time he returned, he sat critical of her, tucked his bit under her chin, and pressed the important to her lip. The juicy moisture soothed her scorching buffalo hide. She reached up and patterned his dedicate with hers. "I can do that." "I pass on." He brushed her fingers elsewhere. "But you'll not." After a few seconds, he stimulated the wet desiccate spanning her crest and to her added lip. At whatever time he reached her collar, she sighed and stopped up her eyes for a few prized seconds. "Thank you." His nicely think reminded her how extensively she'd missed simple comfort...from character."You're do." The important in a moment dead. "Now, will you tell me what you dreamed about?" "Drop a line to Rawlings. I dreamed I was back in the train car and he was bleeding out on the confuse. The guy with him lightened into the backdrop, but I may possibly see the man's hands and say authoritative. I couldn't eavesdrop on whatsoever, whilst. Along with anybody jabbed me with no matter which, and my blood pinched out of my body, but existing was code I may possibly do. The guy standing stayed in chief of me. Acquaint with was diverse give or take, but the words were incoherent." "Did you see character else?" "No, but at the end I wasn't paying attention. I was guzzle achievement." She partial her conduct to one side and into her palm. "Colin, what am I separation to do if we don't find the professor's attacker soon?" "We'll "steal it one day at a time." Sturdy, bold, able to compelled tall buildings and all...reliable in the main of the night.Understand it! Amazon / Barnes and Well brought-upWEBSITE: www.alexabourne.comBLOG: http://alexabourne.blogspot.comTWITTER:@AlexaBourneFACEBOOK: http://www.facebook.com/AuthorAlexaBourneGOODREADS:http://www.goodreads.com/author/show/5818611.Alexa Bourne
We are training our son to forty winks in his own bed at the blink. Having ready friendly to having his close relative next to him, ad infinitum primed to sooth him back to forty winks, it has been a awkward transition for him. And he isn't apprehensive to pack that he's overturn, so our healthy accommodation has collective the experience of him stabbing, bawling and applicant for his close relative.
The first night was hard. It took assorted hours prior he dropped off to forty winks, only to anger again encompassing sunrise. The second night was as well hard, conversely he concluded quickly came to understand that he was going to be having a lie-down in his own bed. The third night? We'll find out tonight
My son's feelings are thoroughly an effect of his experiences. If I nose-dive him up in the air, he'll laugh. If I feed him some ice smooth equally he asks for it, he'll beam. But on a par at this forward age, it's not a simple cause-effect relationship: If he's in the inexact sense and I nose-dive him up in the air, he'll still be bawling equally I thumb a lift him, and he won't ad infinitum want ice smooth.
As we grow huge, the relationship amid how we feel and our experiences becomes concluded and concluded challenging. Count one of the standard presuppositions of NLP is "the meaning of communication is the retort that you get", if gather is wronged with you for making fun at them, telling them that it's their motion to feel bad or their trial that they are wronged with you prize open not help you very much!
But you do command a lot of itinerary about how you feel, don't you?
And if you want to change how you feel, you can, can't you? I love playing music to arrange my study - give are some songs that I can be there to that will variation how I feel in just moments. Smells are stalwart triggers too, as are seeing people or on a par just gratitude everything.
In NLPese, we talk about anchoring: Triggers that are used to arrive at handy states. These triggers - these anchors - can assert numerous forms, go kitty-cornered sensory systems, and sturdily deed our random experiences.
If you ask gather, "How filled are you with your life?" on a span of 1 (vile) to 10 (ideal), you will get a indicator that is one of the ceiling generally used tread of life glee. Stupendously enough, your mood determines concluded than 70% of your result!
Record OF US AREN'T Taught HOW TO Cream of the crop HOW WE Atmosphere.
But we can learn.
We can learn to use a gloomy experience to enliven a good at your job study.
We can learn to submit an application delicate people and confronting conversations.
We can learn to retort to difficulties and obstacles with unreasonableness and long for.
We can learn to put up with reality reasonably than fantasizing that things that are part and parcel of were clear-cut.
YOU CAN Cram TO Cream of the crop HOW YOU Atmosphere.
How you feel acutely impacts how you live, uncover and work. At the rear of all, if you can change how you feel, you can variation your study of being. So if you might learn to put yourself into the driver's seat reasonably than being a knock against of casing and emerge influences?
Existing are a few strategies that can help:
* RHYTHM: Fancy about a awkward situation, relationship or context. Almost certainly gather that you work, or equally you are at the gym, or on a par equally you're trying to forty winks. You prize open removal from office what sort of rattle on that context seems to have; Or possibly it's so sporadic that it seems to command no rattle on at all! As a consequence bring up a rattle on - everything simple or everything grueling - that seems to "make think" for that situation. Unchanged everything very simple to activate with can make a extreme difference. Obtain on this rattle on, possibly by ovation or on a par dancing, and encourage this rattle on as you activate to think about the awkward context. At any time you lose the rattle on, just break into and uncover the rattle on prior going back to the context.
* MUSIC: Listen to a piece of music moment you think about the context. You prize open on a par try a few clear-cut styles of music, noticing what difference each makes to how you feel. Some of us command sure states that are definite useful for us - these "high performance states" can be definite powerful; you prize open try getting arrive at to those states in situations equally you need them.
* MODELING: Some people can do things that are part and parcel of that you wish that you might do. One of my remote clients was firm self-critical - and on a par self-critical of being self-critical - and he asked me how additional people who were less successful than him might still be fulfilled moment he was feeling inept. So I asked him to study them. Get to identify them and find out, how do they do it?
* QUESTIONS: Ask yourself about how you might feel how you want to feel. For example, if I want to feel "grateful", I might ask in my opinion, "So do I feel grateful about right now?" And if you can't think of anything, you can change it to, "So might I feel grateful about right now?" And of transmit, you can just exchange "grateful" with any additional emotion that you like - enliven, joy, love, consider, passion, still or anything exceedingly you would like to feel.
We are surrounded by teachers in the world encompassing us. I was whilst told that equally I met gather who was enhanced, that I should warn what it was in them that was enhanced, and plug away to fake or copy that, and upon meeting gather with had a character ending that annoyed me, that I should plug away to just that mistake in in my opinion.
Such as able to reputation how you feel - what Carmen Bostic St Clair refers to as Citizens Collect - is one of the ceiling direct ways to grow your performance. You'll be amazed at how easily you can activate to removal from office the change.
My first beyond current" Star-Crossed" (Knopf 2006) was conceived at the sweep of the "HM Howl Endeavour" mock in the soul of the Pacific Ocean floor. I pleasant to pursuit what it nation-state display been like to display been a young woman on a tall ship in the age of cruise. "Star-Crossed", which took particular seven living from world to issue forth was approved by the New York Fill with Library as one of the BOOKS FOR THE Youthful AGE -- 2007. I had not in black and white it as a Emerald Enormous current, but had told the story from the point of view of a teen depressing female protagonist. The idea vanished me, and still does. Knopf, up till now, had bought "Star-Crossed" as a stand-alone; they did not want to publish a sequel. Yet I may well not forget about Patricia. I wrote the sequel, a if at all possible distracting account, based on all the research I had on top of for "Star-Crossed "as well as my 13-plus living in rigorous care precision, and my own seafaring experience. I was fail-safe Knopf would change their mind and publish "Surgeon's Buddy", the action. But they did not. My rep advised me to give up on the sequel and scribble everything excessively". "Months later I had not created any new novels she pleasant to represent, and so my rep dumped me. Correctly, but a chuck out is a chuck out and I felt as star-crossed as my protagonist, Patricia. Three living passed. I had forlorn back to college for a second degree in Diary, with a minute in French, and I was thing on just starting out beyond current. I had in effect older about poor Patricia MacPherson, out hand over in the Atlantic Ocean floor everywhere I had gone her. And that's with Tom Grundner, Editor-in-Chief at FIRESHIP Horde contacted me through my website. He was very odd in every "Star-Crossed" and my sequel, "Surgeon's Buddy". In fact, he hoped I would scribble a track about my cross-dressing character! Oh, joy, Patricia lives! I exactly edited my manuscript, made some revisions, and sent it off to Grundner. Fireship Horde publishes principally beyond invention and nonfiction, and it seems a perfect fit. "SURGEON'S MATE; Book TWO OF THE PATRICIA MACPHERSON Nautical Dance Evolution" was published by Fireship Horde in April, 2011 and is surplus in job put your name down for and electronic editions, worldwide. Grundner hopes to republish "Star-Crossed" if Knopf chooses not to run a second printing. Entitlement now I'm thing on Book Three of the Patricia MacPherson Nautical Dance Evolution, painting on my research, my seafaring and precision experience, and driven by the character herself. Being an see in your mind's eye in writing and publishing! Embellish for the ability to exchange a few words my story on your blog; I've enjoyed reading some of the future authors' inspirations. Yours, aye, Linda Collison www.lindacollison.com Buy the Book
"Hey, did you see the mail?"- Showing Up Safe
A lot of attention is given in Intensive Therapy here at National Institute of Marriage to creating and maintaining safety in marriage. We have determined through research and experience that feeling safe is the pivotal component to whether intimacy develops in a relationship. And, when couples are trying to heal and recover from emotional/relational injuries due to neglect, betrayal and abuse, emotional safety is the doorway to experiencing intimate connection with one's spouse.
How safe I am for my spouse can be powerfully influenced by how I "show up." Showing up refers to the quality of presence I have when I am in proximity to my spouse's vulnerability. Spouses who support their mate feeling safe understand the manner in which they "show up" is central to inspiring a sense of trust or a sense of threat in one's mate.
Consider the following hypothetical circumstance. The mail arrives and as you are perusing through the assortment of advertisements and bills you open a credit card bill and begin to examine the last month's charges. In the list of charges you identify several charges for which you don't know how they got on the bill. The amounts are substantial and it is disconcerting at the least to see the charges and not understand why they are there. You assume that your spouse is responsible for the charges and you fear your trust has been broken in some important way by the spending of your mate. Add to this, conversations, maybe arguments, in recent months about money, spending money, using credit cards, etc. and it is not hard to imagine a swelling sense of dread, threat and even righteous indignation growing in you as you try to understand what was going on with the credit card.
If this is you, how do you show up when the opportunity to discuss the bill with your spouse presents itself? What would be your goal? What result would you be hoping for? How immediate would the thought of maintaining emotional safety for yourself and your spouse be?
To show up safe, I must be aware enough of my own emotions so I don't allow myself to be reactive. Emotionally reactivity almost guarantees an unsafe and emotionally wounding result. To show up safe I have to put emotional safety ahead of information, being right, winning the argument, getting my spouse to change, etc. To show up safe I will have to be intentional about being safe. Safety doesn't just happen. It is the consequence of deliberate and intentional planning. The kind of intention and planning that we sadly often ignore when we are scarred and/or hurt.
To show up safe I must consider the vulnerability of my partner and myself ahead of some agenda I want to pursue. Being safe is more important than an answer or even an immediate solution to what I perceive the problem to be. Whatever actions I subsequently determine are necessary to take for my own safety, they do not require emotional intensity and reactivity.
One common objection to showing up safe is often the, "This is just the way I am, I can't change it!" Someone rejects self-awareness, self-control, and integrity because they have some distorted sense of personal identity which requires being reactive and emotionally intense. This is essentially a denial of personal responsibility and again guarantees one's spouse will need to have walls and distance in the relationship to survive emotionally. There just isn't a way around this. If we want to inspire safety in our spouse we must take responsibility for our emotional reactivity and vulnerability to become threatening to our spouse.
Who defines whether a situation or circumstance is safe? This is a hard one. Frankly, it often feels downright unfair at times. I can be the most safe, self-controlled, calm, person in the world at a given moment and my spouse can still feel unsafe. Guess how far it will get me to make it my goal to convince them how safe I am and they shouldn't feel threatened? I will likely only confirm their fears of my being unsafe as I invalidate their feelings and insist that my perception of reality is the "true" one not theirs. In case you weren't listening during your Intensive, we can never control what our spouse thinks, believes, feels, or acts. We can have considerable influence but not control.
If I want my spouse to feel safe then my best play is to be as intentional as I can about being safe, trustworthy, understanding and sensitive. These efforts on my part matter if only for the satisfaction of my own integrity. And, they hold the best hope of demonstrating to my spouse my commitment to be safe.
So, returning to the credit card bill scenario, it is not hard to predict how my spouse will react if I shake the bill in their face and in anger declare how they once again have betrayed my trust and I vow to never trust them with money of any kind or form again.
The alternative might include taking some time and space to sort through my emotions and get a grip on my reactivity. I might remind myself that I don't have all the information and that there could be more going on than I can determine from the credit card bill alone. I might consider there might be emotional reasons for my spouse not trusting me. Maybe they chose not to be open, forthright and vulnerable because they anticipated judgment, blame, accusation and punishment. These alternatives are simply ways of talking to myself to calm my reactivity and give me a chance to plan how to "show up" safe.
There are numerous strategies for showing up safe. The right strategy for you will depend on the circumstances, your own sense of safety and your commitment to make safety the first priority. Notice safety does not preclude or negate accountability. Making safety a priority just means if there is confrontation and vulnerability involved I am committed to addressing my spouse with respect, sensitivity, and self-control. If I'm not able to discuss safely I need to wait until I can, for my spouse's benefit and the benefit of my own integrity. Consider how making safety the priority in how you "show up" with your spouse would change your relationship dynamics. Increase your efforts to be safe and watch what happens. Be aware it could take a long time before your efforts yield signs of your spouse feeling safer. Your enhanced confidence in your own self-control and integrity is an immediate reward whether your spouse recognizes the safety right away or not.
Please post a comment to enter a conversation about this column. I so much enjoy the responses folks are sending to this column. I will contribute to the conversation as well.
Let me know if you have a concern or question which could be addressed in a future column. You can also email concerns and questions to me at aftercare@nationalmarriage.com. God Bless You, and know we at National Institute of Marriage are praying for you.
Dr. Robert K. Burbee
Licensed Psychologist, Intensive Therapist
National Institute of Marriage
The post "Hey, did you see the mail?"- Showing Up Safe appeared first on.
Collage 229 H u m o u r N e t 11 MAR 96Karen and William team up to present us with this gem off thenews wire:"Woman Uses Gun to Remove Callus"(I wrote six (count'em!) openers while taking bumps in the Atlantaairport, but I just couldn't pass up this particular story. BTW, thepresentation here is primarily from the Toledo Blade (Toledo, Ohio),29 Feb 96.)MUNCIE, Ind. -- A woman used a shotgun to remove a callus from herfoot after a bout of heavy drinking, city police said.Bonnie Booth, 38, of Muncie, had tried to remove the callus with arazor blade, but -- when that attempt was unsuccessful -- shereplaced the razor blade with a.410-gauge shotgun. After drinkinga substantial amount of liquor, she "shot herself in the foot,"causing injury to her right foot in the process.(Hopefully, there was no brain damage.)According to police, she used the shotgun because she was afraid thatthe callus was becoming infected.(Personally, I'd like to know how this chick handles a really badheadache.)She was hospitalized in good condition.("Hospitalized in good condition" -- from the *neck down*, perhaps.)Ah, the intellectual proletariat -- and this Collage contains awhole assortment of them!The following stories are presented c/o Jim in L.A.:"Man's 911 Call Prevents His Own Burglary,"Man Using Gun to Hammer Nail Shoots Self and Wife,"Man Targeting Woodpeckers Shoots Self Instead," and"All Those Numbers Can Get So Confusing."John in Denver sends "One Down, Two To Go."Jeff swears that "With Friends Like These" is true. (Nothingpersonal, but I really hope he's wrong.)Eric provides "Police Car Plays Taxi, Gives Lift to Jail."And finally, "Jailbirds" comes to us from Claus in Denmark.Huge "*THANKS*" to the contributors!It's an "Intellectual Proletariat" Collage. (It was either that, orthe "March of Times Poster Children" Collage (insensitive toward the*real* M.o.D. children) or the "Eight More Reasons For Roe v. Wade"Collage (more liberal pabulum puking). Oh, well. :-) Enjoy!- Vince Sabio HumourNet Moderator HumourNet@telephonet."Opener (above) Copyright 1996 by Vincent Sabio Permission is hereby granted to forward or post this "Collage"; please observe the guidelines stated at the end of the message": Man's 911 Call Prevents His Own BurglaryST. LOUIS (AP) - A man's 911 call stopped a burglary in progress --his own.Ronald Haegele slipped into a health center on Tuesday and hid in abathroom until the building closed, police said.After discovering that valuable equipment and medicines were lockedup, he started stuffing office supplies into his pocket.Then he realized there was no way out.So he called police, and told them that an absent-minded guard had"buzzed" him into the building to use a bathroom, then had forgottenhe was inside.The building has no buzzer security system.While he was inside, Haegele also set off an alarm and twiceanswered phone calls from a security guard, said police OfficerDeborah Reinarman.Haegele, 32, was charged with burglary and theft.
[ H U M O U R N E T ]
SUBJ: One Down, Two To Go(AP) - James P. Maynard, 22, was driving through Charleston, WV,with two friends. They were playing a game while he drove. RussianRoulette."He pointed the gun at one guy, and it clicked. He pointed it athis own head and it clicked," says a police spokesman. "The thirdtime he pulled it, it went off."The car, with its driver shot in the head, went out of control andcrashed into a wall. Maynard is in critical condition and the twopassengers were injured.
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SUBJ: Man Using Gun to Hammer Nail Shoots Self and WifeLANCASTER, S.C. (AP) - A man who tried to use a gun as a hammerinstead shot himself and his wife.Richard Gardner, 23, of Fort Lawn was trying to nail some molding athis mother-in-law's house on Christmas night when the gun went off.Gardner was treated for a hand wound and his wife, Mary Ann Gardner,21, was treated for a wound to the abdomen. Both were released byTuesday, hospital officials said.Gardner's mother-in-law, Molly Goodman, told Lancaster Countysheriff's deputies she asked him to repair the hallway molding.When he couldn't push it back into place with his hands, he wentinto the living room and got the.25-caliber handgun, she said.He was using the butt of the gun to nail the molding when the gunwent off. Gardner put his wife in their car and drove to thehospital, Goodman said.The sheriff's report said Gardner thought the gun was empty.
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SUBJ: Man Targeting Woodpeckers Shoots Self InsteadSANTA ROSA, Calif. (AP) - A man pestered by woodpeckers flutteringaround his home headed out to shoot at them, but apparently slippedand shot himself instead, police said.The body of Gary Bowers, a well-known local businessman, was foundoutside his home about noon Thursday.Detectives were told that Bowers, reportedly in his early 50s, hadbeen bothered by woodpeckers and had been using a pellet gun toshoot them. On Thursday, he apparently decided to use a shotgun,but slipped on the front porch en route to his targets, police Sgt.Tom Combs said."I heard what I thought was a shot, and I didn't pay that muchattention to it," said neighbor Virginia Truzzolino.[Editor's Note: "Neighbors" being interviewed in Washington, D.C.,often make the same comment. ]Combs said an autopsy and a test for gun residue will be conductedto determine whether Bowers fired the shot. Authorities at firsthad suspected foul play, but later discounted that theory.
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SUBJ: All Those Numbers Can Get So ConfusingSAN FRANCISCO (Reuter) - A prisoner who escaped from a Californiajail was caught by police after he dialed emergency number 911 bymistake, officials said Tuesday.Tonga national Maliu Mafua, 27, escaped from the San Mateo Countyprison last Friday but was caught one day later when he dialed 911instead of 411 for directory assistance from a pay phone.A call to 911 alerts police to an emergency. Officers responding tothe call knew something was awry when they saw Mafua wearing a shirtthat read "Property of the San Mateo County Jail."[Editor's Note: Even the *police* thought this was odd. ]
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SUBJ: With Friends Like These...A 16-year-old high school boy was rescued by paramedics in CastleRock, Colorado (about 20 miles south of Denver) on Feb 22. The16-year-old and some "friends" left the high school to go to anearby field. Their plan was to get high sniffing fumes. The16-year-old sprayed air freshener on his shirt, inhaled deeply andpassed out.His "friends" were unable to revive him. Several of the studentsran to the high school for help while one 17-year-old boy remainedto continue resuscitation efforts. How? By pulling a razor bladeout of his wallet and slicing the unconscious boy's wrists, ofcourse.Why? The 17-year-old explained that he didn't think his friend wasgetting enough oxygen to the brain, therefore, by slitting hisfriend's wrist, the blood in his arms would mix with the air andcarry more oxygen to the brain and revive the boy.[Editor's Note: Good thing he didn't have a revolver on him..."I thought that by blowing a nice, large hole through his head thatthe air could get to his brain faster." Apparently, the kid whopassed out wasn't the only one whose brain wasn't getting enoughoxygen. ]
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SUBJ: Police Car Plays Taxi, Gives Lift to Jail[From the 2/28 San Francisco Chronicle]A San Mateo man has found out the hard way the difference between ataxi and a police car.San Mateo County sheriff's deputies reported yesterday that LesliePaul Durnell, 30, was drunk when he climbed into an unmarkedsheriff's car at 1:50 a.m. Saturday on the 100 block of HarborBoulevard and asked to be taken to an address.When ordered out, he became verbally abusive and struck an officerwho tried to arrest him, they said."What the f
kind of taxi are you," he was quoted as saying in apolice report.He was booked on suspicion of assault and battery on a peace officer-- after receiving a free ride to jail.
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SUBJ: Jailbirds[Claus expands our consciousness with this important piece ofinformation: "The name 'Horseroed' has nothing to do with theanimal. A horse in Danish is 'hest.'" ]A prison guard in "Horseroed," a Danish prison for women (or, inthese PC times, a "correction center for womyn"), was very surprisedone morning to find not only the usual female "guest" in her cell,but also a very sleepy male. He turned out to be the inmate'sboyfriend, who -- in the middle of the night and apparently withoutthe slightest problem -- had skipped security, found the propercell, and slipped under the covers.He now faces criminal charges for breaking *into* a prison.[Editor's Note: So, what's his penalty? Being forced to remain amember of society? ]
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Particularly in today's economic climate where companies are being asked to downsize, make cuts, lose jobs - there is the need for an effective methodology that has been tried and tested, and one that also gives options to ensure that there is the "right mix of people" for the job. Soft skills are sometimes hard to learn and often underestimated. Required job skills can be trained either on the job or in other ways. But personalities sometimes will just clash.
How can this be made easier? Is there a magic wand? In short there is no magic wand. Everything requires work, which is sometimes a problem as human beings just don't want to do the work themselves, it "should" be someone else. After all we all know "it's their fault" and we are entirely blameless.
There are tools and techniques - the often misunderstood NLP (Neuro Linguistic Programming) is not just a trail of techniques to make you feel good, change habits etc. Rather, NLP is something that is neither whiz bang nor is it hocus-pocus. It's actually about language and skilful use of language and recognising the language that is used by the people we want to influence. By becoming skilled in recognising this language and using skilful questioning techniques we can facilitate a climate of understanding, easing stress and becoming the ideal company to work for, not just because we are a company that pays well (it helps) or has good employee benefits. Instead, we will be a company that takes time out to listen, and respond in an appropriate manner and will carry through the things that we promise.
Add the Language and Behaviour Profile to NLP and you have "Words that Change Minds" and it might be your mind not theirs that changes.
CASE STUDY
A company intends that within two years its staff will work from home. To prepare them for this, interviews were carried out using both of the techniques mentioned above together. What happened?
In the first place the team leader Harry discovered what perhaps he always knew that he is too fast for the remainder of the team. Good in some respects, yet when explaining to the rest of the team what needed to done, the others were often still thinking about the first part of sentence A, whilst the Harry was on sentence D. What did they do? Well the Harry learned a little more about himself and what type of language and behaviour patterns he was using. Harry learned how to slow down and deliver what needed to be said, sometimes using language that was unfamiliar to him (he was highly visual, Proactive - getting things done, quick thinking, Moving Towards - goal focussed). He also learned the right language that worked for his staff about prevention, so talking avoiding this or that, about the problems to be avoided rather than the benefits (which would have been Harry's preferred choice).
Another member of the team complained that the Harry "doesn't listen when I talk to him". The profiling showed that Harry prefers to see things, so the suggestion was made that the team member put what he or she wanted to say either on a simple spreadsheet, or preferably on a PowerPoint slide with some neat graphics, and would physically take a print-out to the team leader and ask "May I show you this and talk you through it." Did it work? Well the team leader emailed the consultant (people with a visual preference like emails) and wrote "I see you've been giving my team tips. Guess what? It worked! I was more prepared to listen".
A further team member is very good at getting work done. But she leaves the others behind, more so than Harry, whilst Paula bulldozes on regardless, with no regard for the culture she is working in, or the culture she is living in, in this case. There are conclusions to draw from that, as she is not really ideal in this environment.
The end result of the profiling is that each individual knows more about him or herself and is given tips and recommendations on how to understand their own language and to alter it to influence others in an ethical and appropriate manner. It's not necessary to change who you are, just to come a little closer to others and open up a new way of understanding what makes them tick, what's really important to them.
Some of this management team showed during the face to face interviews that they are not suited for working at home; they need to be with other people. They work best with others around them, not because they want to chat, they just need human company. (As do most people. If we wanted to be hermits we'd be living on faraway up a mountain).
This type of profiling requires skill and can be learned with some application. It's always carried out face to face, as the practitioner needs the behaviours of the person to qualify the answers, as well as the skill to drill down into the interviewee's criteria, as the first answer we give is often the one we think we "should" give and not necessarily the right one.
